Like Life
by momentofbored
Summary: COMPLETE...The Powers that Be visit Buffy in Italy to tell her Angel is in trouble and the Apocolypse is coming. She wastes no time in getting to LA... :P BANGEL Set during NFA.
1. Chapter 1: Of the Good

_Okay, so HOW much did it bother me that neither Angel or Spike thought 'HEY! Maybe it would be a good idea to call Buffy?' reagrding the Circle and the Apocolypse and all that good stuf during NFA? So much I needed to write a fic about it. Enjoy!_

_--_

Buffy let out a shocked giggle. "WILLOW! Sexy fiend much?"

"I'm sorry," She heard her friend apologize, sounding much further away than she would have liked through the cell phone. "Should I not-"

"No! Multiple orgasms are of-the-good," Buffy smiled, absently walking out onto her balcony and looking down onto the busy street in Rome, smiling at how brightly it bustled in the twilight. "I'm glad you've finally discovered their power."

"And- you?" Willow asked eagerly. "Have you also been reveling in their- power?"

Buffy let out another shocked giggle, feeling all of sixteen years old again as she squealed, "Willow! You're talking dirty!" before lowering her voice. "Okay. So. Here's the thing. The Immortal was AMAZING-"

"Wait- was?" Willow asked slowly, sounding slightly nervous, and Buffy laughed again, though the sound was slightly less carefree.

"Well, the Immortal is no longer of-the-now," Buffy quipped, then cringed as she realized she'd used 'of-the' twice within about sixty seconds _yep, I am definitely reverting._

"Oh, Buffy," Willow said, sounding concerned. "What happened?"

There was a small pause before Buffy said softly. "The truth is, Will… nothing. It just- wasn't him."

"Even with the multiple-"

Buffy smiled sadly. "Even with the multiple." She lowered her voice again. "Though, honestly, I've never had a problem with guys not knowing what they were doing-"

"Buffy!" Willow squealed.

"Other than Riley," Buffy added with a naughty smile. "But then again, he was only mortal so-"

"BUFFY!" Willow squealed again, scandalized and Buffy laughed.

"No, but really Will," she said after a long moment. "You know how- when I said I was cookie dough and-"

"Still baking?" Willow supplied gently and Buffy nodded, forgetting for a moment that her friend couldn't see her.

"That's the thing- I- I don't think I am anymore. I think that- I might be done," Buffy said in a rush. "And-"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with two certain vampires who recently tried to come see you, would it?" Willow asked perceptively and Buffy frowned, contemplating, before replying honestly,

"I don't think so, Will. I think I'm just- done. And I couldn't keep going with him because- I think it's time for me to find the person I want to keep going with forever now."

"Wow," Willow said softly and Buffy smiled wryly.

"Okay, so, new topic," she suggested lightly. "How's work?"

"Oh! Buffy! It's amazing! I-"

Buffy blinked in confusion as the phone went dead and she shook it, exclaiming "HEY! Not fair! I just charged you this morning!" before realizing that everyone on the street below her had frozen as well.

"Still so insolent," she suddenly heard a voice boom from behind her and she whipped around, dropping her cell phone to confront the three creatures clad in black suddenly standing in her room. Uncertain as to how to react Buffy chose to simply roll her eyes, quipping,

"Let me guess. You're the bad guys blah blah blah, I should quiver in fear blah BLAH blah, you control time blah-"

"Silence, foolish one! We are the Powers that Be!"

--

_Simply put, feedback keeps me writing (and makes my day :)). Please leave some! (Even if you think it's awful, whatever... I would just like to know P)_


	2. Chapter 2: SeeKnowFeel

Buffy was silent for a long moment as she tried to think of a snippy comeback, pleased as inspiration struck. "Well, first of all, let me just say it's always refreshing to see a group of people come up with a creative name for themselves. 'Powers That Be'… yep, I can tell you slaved for hours over that one-"

"Silence," one said softly, holding up a hand, and to Buffy's amazement, though she continued to speak, no sound came out of her mouth. "Strange," the same one mused, circling her slowly, "That you should prove to be a survivor for so long and still not realize that there is a time to talk and a time to listen."

"Listening," Buffy bit out shortly, stunned when the word was articulated aloud and snapping her mouth shut in surprise before adding, "Talk fast. I have a very important-"

"What?" one demanded cuttingly. "Shopping spree? This is not what you are. You must never forget what you are-"

"Newsflash!" Buffy snapped angrily, holding up a hand. "Slaying? Forgotten! I'm just a normal-" she paused, biting her lip, then shrugged. "Well, okay, unnaturally strong girl who's taking a much deserved-"

"And is Angel… forgotten?" demanded the soft-spoken one gently, and as Buffy paled, inhaling sharply, she realized, acutely, that for all his lack of pretense compared to the others, he was the one to watch out for.

"Working on that," she declared with flippancy she wasn't sure she would EVER actually feel where Angel was concerned, frowning as the Powers had the nerve to exchange knowing glances.

"And making no progress whatsoever," one supplied cattily and Buffy's eyes flashed as she began,

"Oh, I wouldn't go that far-" before she once more heard the word,

"SILENCE!" She snapped her mouth shut, feeling her patience grow thinner by the second before the tallest one elaborated, "He is in need of you."

Buffy's head snapped back as though she had been slapped before she snorted, letting out a short, bitter laugh. "Okay, clearly we are not talking about the same Angel here, because mine? Not in need of anyone, much less poor, pathetic little Buffy who loved him back when-"

"Loved," the quiet one echoed, cutting her off gently. "What an intriguing choice of words."

Buffy felt off balance _yeah, he is definitely the one to watch out for_ for a moment before she forced herself to shrug casually.

"Yeah, well, to hear lit professors talk, diction is crucial, but you know what? To me it just is." She sighed, shaking her head before bending down to pick up her cell phone from where it had fallen, trying to collect her thoughts as she did so. "If you have something to say, then say it. Otherwise I was having a really nice talk with-"

The short one smirked. "Foolish girl. You think we come without a purpose?"

"Then WHAT," she began, beginning to grow angry before the quiet one tilted his head to the side, extending his hand. "Do not listen. See."

Buffy's brow furrowed in genuine confusion. "See what?"

"Take my hand and see where he is now."

--

Buffy let out a sharp cry as she fell painfully to the floor in a dimly lit room filled with a group of people who positively _reeked_ of evil sitting around a table with…

"Angel?" she questioned aloud before snapping her mouth shut, relieved and unsurprised to see that everyone in the room seemed thoroughly oblivious to her presence.

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'kill Spike', we just might have to kiss," she heard her ex-lover say and her brow furrowed in confusion. _This can't be right; he would never work with-_

"Spike is not the threat. You are," Buffy heard one of the men say and she tried to make some sense of what was going on as he continued; "You have proven your loyalty to the circle. Regrettably, there is something stronger than loyalty- hope."

"Okay, creepy much?" Buffy muttered under her breath as her mind continued to whirl. _So… if Angel would never work with these people-is this Angelus? Is that what the powers are trying to show me? That I need to go to LA and kill-_

But then she abandoned all thought as a document was unrolled in front of Angel and she crept forward to get a better look, wrinkling her nose when she realized it was written in some indecipherable language _yeah, definitely should have taken Giles's advice and-_

But apparently Angel was not having a similar problem in determining what was in front of him as he said "This is the Shanshu Prophesy," and Buffy's brow furrowed at the sudden tension in his voice, disguised so well that even she almost missed it.

"Shan WHAT?" she blurted, then snapped her mouth shut as another man supplied as though he had heard her,

"The vampire with a soul will play a pivotal role in the apocalypse."

"And as a reward will be come human," a third finished.

"Human?" Buffy whispered in disbelief, feeling her knees buckle and missing something else that was being said, hoping it wasn't important, dragged out of her stupor by Angel's seemingly flippant words.

"I have no desire to become human," and in that moment she knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he wasn't Angelus as she saw conflict, pain, disbelief flash in his eyes for a fraction of a second, so well disguised that no one but her ever would have noticed them, ever would have heard the agony in his voice.

_Why the agony? It's not like the prophesy can go away- and speaking of that, why the HELL have I not been told about this-_

"Oh, good. Then you won't mind signing that pesky future away," the original speaker's voice sliced through her thoughts, and Buffy's mouth dropped open in shock as he continued, "Through that document, the prophecy can be undone. Your signature there will remove any opportunity that you will ever earn your once-precious humanity. Will you sign it?"

"Of course," she heard Angel reply as though from very far away and she dived toward him, not even conscious of what she was doing as she gasped,

"God don't do it!"

To her chagrin she flew right through him as though she were a ghost, and she let out a cry of pain as she slammed down hard into the floor at the same moment that she saw the quill slammed directly through Angel's hand as one of the men _yeah, right, men_ snarled,

"It must be signed in blood."

And as Angel did sign it, hand shaking enough that Buffy feared she wasn't the only one who would see it, she questioned aloud, agony in her own voice, "What is HAPPENING here?" hating how out of touch they had been, realizing suddenly and sharply that, much as that had become something that it was easier to just blame Angel for it was at least equally her fault-

And then suddenly she was back on her tiny Italian balcony, breathing heavily as the power released her hand, and she looked at him earnestly as he said, "That is what we mean to explain to you if you think you have the time."

She wavered for only a second before saying softly, "Based on that lovely snippet, I'd say I probably don't have the time for explanations, no. Why don't we skip straight to the 'how can Buffy help' portion and I'll figure the rest out later."

The powers graced her with small smiles. "Now YOU are the girl we came to see."

--

_Feedback makes me happy and keeps me writing! Thanks for reading :)_


	3. Chapter 3: Tell Me the Punchline

Buffy snorted. "Whatever. Good to know that at the very least I'm predictable. Angel in trouble Buffy to the rescue-:

"And of course it has never been vice versa," the soft spoken one chided lightly, and Buffy snapped her mouth shut before nearly pouting, muttering,

"Yeah, well, he could have at least called-"

"And of course it has never been vice-versa," the power murmured again and Buffy felt herself flush slightly before she enquired flatly,

"What's happening?" listening with varying degrees of interest, horror and disbelief as the Circle was explained to her, it's power, Angel's actions, the other's distrust-

"My GOD!" she exclaimed in frustration as the much condensed explanation of the past few months of Angel's life was concluding. "Does he always have to be so damn NOBEL? Couldn't he just once-"

"He is far nobler than you have ever realized," the quiet one cut her off, an edge to his voice, and Buffy frowned, squaring her shoulders as she demanded flippantly,

"Okay, fine. He's in trouble, how do I fix it?"

"Still such a child," one said, shaking his head almost sadly as he continued, "Surely you must realize it is far too late for words such as 'fix' now. All that is left are choices that you must make in the best way you know how-"

"So tell me my choices!" Buffy cried in frustration, half wanting to reach out and send a lamp shattering against the wall just so she could feel like she was doing something and not just foolish and ineffectual and small-

"I assume you've deduced the apocalypse is tonight-"

"And he really wasn't going to call?" Buffy asked incredulously, voice taking on a slight edge as she muttered, "how TYPICAL-"

"He does not believe there is any chance of survival," one of the men before her supplied and Buffy let out a disbelieving laugh.

"And he didn't think that, I don't know, a few thousand slayers might help his chances a little? MY GOD! What is his PROBLEM?" she snapped. "And what about this whole Shanshu THING? Can we talk about that for a minute, because, I mean, HELLO! News to me and-"

"That is what your choice concerns," one cut her off smoothly. "Evil shall not triumph tonight. This was never our intention-"

"The hell with your intentions!" Buffy snapped, finally giving in and allowing herself to shatter the lamp against the wall inches from one of their heads. "Can't you people ever just spit it out? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?"

"Always impatient," one said disapprovingly before turning to her. "On the day that was not, Angel bound his life to yours, though he did not realize it-"

"Okay, again with the 'news-to-me' bit," Buffy bit out sarcastically even as she felt slightly sick, trying without success to understand what was being said. "Day that wasn't? What are you guys SMOKING?"

"I hope you have gained enough wisdom to be calm at what you must see."

"Oooh! Let me guess!" Buffy chirped. "Does it involve another hand-to-hand bonding moment, because I think I've had enough of those for one-aaaaaaah!" she groaned as she was slammed up against the nearest wall in a flash of light and assaulted with memories of _ohmygod _sex and ice cream and sunlight and kissing and _ohmygod_ a table snapping in two as Angel more or less pounded her into the floor, moaning as she felt his heart beating rapidly against hers and then words… her name 'oh god! It isn't enough time!'

And then in another flash of light she was back in her small apartment, gasping on her knees as the Powers looked sympathetically down at her. "I don't- I can't-" she gasped, struggling to her feat and then collapsing onto the nearest chair, sputtering the only word she could think of, voice tortured, "WHY?"

"A demon's blood mixed with his and gave him life. He chose to trade it that you might live, and in doing so linked his death to your life-"

And something finally clicked in Buffy's head as she dragged herself to her feet, head still spinning from the rapid onslaught of memories and she questioned slowly, voice shaking slightly, "Are you telling me that Angel and I both need to die tonight for the world to survive? Because if you are I wish you'd just come out with it." She shrugged, trying to be flippant. "I mean, not like I haven't died before-"

"No," the soft-spoken one replied, looking at her sympathetically. "What we're trying to explain is that you must make a far more complex choice. When Angel linked his life to yours, he ensured that he would Shanshu tonight only if you died in the same battle he would be fighting. You must choose whether or not to go to America and fight beside him, knowing you will die, that he may live."

--

_Feedback keeps me writing (and makes me happy)… and the next chapter we will be getting to the good stuff (as in actual Bangel interaction, yay!)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4: LA

"I know this must be a joke," Buffy said after a long, excruciatingly painful moment, fighting with everything inside her against sinking back down onto the small sofa and never getting up again. "Ha-ha. See? Laughing. Funny. Joke thing. Give me the punch line."

At the powers stoic silence she kicked out, sending her coffee table splintering against the wall, feeling like she was sixteen years old again and hearing Giles tell her she was going to face the master and die, as she screamed, "GIVE ME THE PUNCHLINE!"

"I'm sorry," one of the powers said, showing what seemed to be genuine sympathy for the first time since they had arrived, "But I believe we just did."

"Oh," Buffy said slowly, anger suddenly completely gone and helpless resignation the only thing she had left to cling to as she took a tiny step backward, drawing herself up to her full height. "Okay."

But even as she said the word she was dying inside, still feeling like a teenager _I don't want to die_, hit with the sharp realization that, much as she wanted Angel's humanity, she was still selfish enough to want to be there when he received it, feel his heart beat. _Read me the signs! You're so useful, standing there with your BOOKS-_

"And if I don't go?" she asked quietly, forcing herself to meet their somber gazes. "If I stay here and go… shopping-" and even as the words left her mouth she heard how utterly hollow they were, knew that even despite everything, the past crazy giddy year of partying and lovemaking, not necessarily in that order, of trying to recapture a youth she hadn't really had, she could never forget what she was- could never forget what he was to her, no matter how many times she-

"Things will go on much the same," a voice sliced through her thoughts. "I believe you know Wesley Windham Price?"

Buffy nodded mutely. "Well, unlike your former lovers, he HAS deduced that a few thousand slayers might help their chances of surviving the apocalypse somewhat. He's been in frantic contact with a Mister Rupert Giles-"

"That makes no sense," Buffy said, feeling herself grow more confused by the second. "Giles would have called me-"

"He's trying to protect you," and the powers cringed as Buffy sent a picture frame shattering.

"What is everyone's PROBLEM with trying to protect me? What part of GROWN UP is not penetrating-"

"Also, he wished to respect your RETIREMENT," one spat at her scornfully, "Which surely even you would concede you've been shoving down everyone's throats relentlessly-"

"Well excuse me for being excited that I wasn't going to die!" Buffy cried out before snorting bitterly. "Oh, but wait! Big surprise- I am." Her jaw shook slightly with barely repressed emotion as she asked in a small voice, "Did I make it the longest?"

The one with the quiet voice took a small step toward her, extending his hand. "Child, we assumed you knew you've already outlasted any other slayer in history by three years."

She smiled bittersweetly. "I suppose that's something."

"Am I to understand you will go?"

She nodded slowly, eyes wide, hardly believing her own words as she whispered, "I'll go."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than Buffy blinked in surprise at the bright sunlight surrounding her, stunned to find herself in the middle of what seemed like a residential neighbor hood in- "LA," she muttered in amazement, then snorted. "So much for a nice, long plane ride to brace myself for-

"You still have until sunset to prepare yourself," a voice sliced through her thoughts, and Buffy was unsurprised to turn and see a single power still standing there, looking at her with something resembling sadness as he seemed to read her mind, saying simply, "Go to him. He needs your strength. However, he must believe you to be ignorant of all that we have told you-"

"More secrets and lies?" Buffy asked in disbelief before squaring her shoulders, willing herself not to care. "Whatever. At least that I can do."

--

"Willow?" Buffy asked hesitantly as her friend picked up her phone, almost crying in relief as she heard her calm voice.

"Hey Buffy! Is everything okay? When we got disconnected-"

"Not really, Will, no," Buffy cut her off quickly. "I- really need your help."

"Anything. Can you just give me a few hours to-"

"I need your help NOW," Buffy said, unable to keep a slightly frantic edge from her voice and she could almost see Willow's brow pucker with concern and confusion.

"Okay, it's done. Just tell me what you need?"

"I can't explain why right now-" Buffy warned, relieved when Willow cut her off, repeating,

"Just tell me what you need."

"Um- well, for starters, Angel's most current address."

"Oh," Willow said, sounding even more confused but slightly relieved. "Sure. I mean, that's easy enough… just let me just- hmmm," she mused, and Buffy could hear her franticly typing some words onto a keyboard. "He never was very easy to- oh! Okay, here we go!" She reeled off an address rapidly and Buffy sighed in relief, committing it to memory before beginning to talk quietly and rapidly. "Willow, very bad things are happening and I have to… I don't have time to organize this right now. Can you call some people for me?"

"Of course," Willow said gently and Buffy sighed in relief.

"This is what I need you to do-"

--

Buffy paced back and forth outside Angel's building for what must have been the fiftieth time. Despite her best efforts not to think about anything, to be fearless, she found herself practically trembling as she contemplated the grim reality of the situation, trying to prepare herself to face her ex lover even as she knew there was nothing she could do that would make it less difficult, no possible way it could end that would not leave her feeling like her heart had been yanked out of her chest and stomped on, even if he was nice to her _who am I kidding, especially if he's nice to me, in that polite distant way he's gotten so good at, oh god, PLEASE, give me anything but that-_

And as she once more began to walk back and forth, the doorman staring at her as though she were insane _aren't I? _she wondered what good it could possibly do to see him, when the best case scenario she could envision involved devastation pouring off both of them in waves. She almost turned to walk aimlessly away until she found some quaint little coffee shop, dimly lit, where no one would ask any questions and she would be free to spend a few hours nursing a cappuccino, take out the memories slowly, one by one, of a simpler time when she had believed love was enough and had known without hesitation, without doubt, that he loved her with everything inside of himself, that she-

"Oh god," she muttered, knees almost buckling despite herself as the doorman continued to look at her strangely. "It's so unfair- I don't even know how to- oh god."

The doorman stepped outside, and Buffy braced herself to be yelled at, surprised when he only looked at her with concern. "Are you alright, miss?"

"I- will be," she said slowly, forcing herself to gain some semblance of dignity as she squared her shoulders. "It's just- some people you'll never know how to say goodbye to, you know?"

He looked at her keenly. "Then maybe that's not what you should say."

She frowned at him for a brief moment before she let out a shaky laugh, remembering other times- other goodbyes... _How's forever? Does forever work for you?_

"I never was very good at it," she admitted softly before seeming to realize something for the first time, looking self-consciously down at herself and hating how, even at a moment like this, she cared deeply what the answer was. Cared deeply how Angel would perceive her- "Do I look okay?"

"I think I can say with total confidence that that's an understatement," he said with an appreciative arch of his eyebrow and she smiled warily, in what she somehow knew was the old way, saying dryly,

"Thanks."

"So," he asked, with a small grin. "Was there someone in particular you were thinking of saying this non-goodbye to, or have you just been randomly pacing outside for the past hour?"

"There's someone in particular," she said in a small voice, hating how the very act of being this close to Angel could make her feel like she was still some hesitant, uncertain kid when-

"Then maybe you should come inside," he disrupted her thoughts and she blinked once before nodding slowly, allowing him to open the door.

--

Exactly two and a half minutes later, as Buffy knocked on Angel's door, makeup freshly applied and bright, seemingly genuine smile on her face, no one would ever have guessed she'd been approaching a nervous breakdown practically moments before, or even that she thought she had any problems bigger than which pair of shoes to wear tomorrow-

She was snapped out of her maudlin reverie, however, as she heard Angel bellow "I told you to take today OFF" from somewhere deep inside the apartment before she banged on the door again, louder.

"Does no one have any conception of LEISURE TIME anymore?" he growled, swinging the door open, and despite her best efforts her smile wavered slightly at his hellish appearance as he wielded a scotch loosely in his hand, face drawn and tired despite the fact that he had to have gained a good fifteen pounds since-

And then, to her gratification, she saw something resembling hope flash in his eyes as he realized it was her, almost dropping his drink as he gasped "Buffy?"

--

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	5. Chapter 5: You're Not Welcome Here

"Angel," she murmured warmly, taking strange comfort in the familiar foreplay _oh god, only with him could something so simple as saying a name be so sensual-_ before continuing brightly, "It is not to worry. I think I can state with total confidence that I've made a new art form of the words 'leisure time.' I mean, it was not easy to find this whole outfit for less than 100 Euros, but voila!"

"What are you doing here?" he barked roughly, warmth fading from his eyes as she continued to stand there, and despite her best efforts she found herself growing defensive, snapping back,

"No, what are YOU doing here? What, do vampires not believe it's bad form to drink alone?" she enquired, looking pointedly at the drink in his hand before knocking it out of his grasp and sending it shattering against the wall. "My god. For someone I always looked up to you really are falling apart."

He looked at the wall where the glass had shattered in disbelief before snapping "What do you know about it?"

She looked at him, genuinely offended for along moment before saying softly with a disgusted shake of her head, "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." She paused for a fraction of a second, deliberating about whether she should just shove her way inside or try to maintain some façade of politeness, cringing slightly as she realized that her plan to keep everything light and casual was, to put it mildly, turning into a complete joke. "May I come in?" she enquired softly, deciding to try to salvage the situation, stunned as his eyes grew colder.

"You're not welcome here."

She hesitated only an instant. "Pity," she shrugged, shoving past him into the massive… _office? I thought Willow said he was living here, and why is he all alone-_

"Clearly you haven't been kept up to date," he growled, slamming the door shut behind her and advancing toward her menacingly backing her up against a wall.

"Oh for real," she snapped, shoving him sharply away from her and throwing her purse onto the nearest desk. "Get over yourself. Clearly you've had a little too much to drink, which is kind of unfortunate – or maybe not. Do vampires get hangovers or do you just-"

"Clearly you haven't been kept up to date," he repeated, eyes flashing. "I'm working for the other said now, and even if I weren't, nothing to do with the council would be welcome in my home. I'm warning you-"

"You're WARNING me?" she enquired incredulously, deciding to abandon her plan of making nice with him as she placed her hands on her hips. "Do I need to remind you that I have repeatedly KICKED YOUR ASS? And how stupid do you think I am? You're 'working for the other side?' Maybe you can convince your little friends of that, but I KNOW you. You're not working for anything but-"

"People change," he growled and she rolled her eyes.

"Right, okay. You're actually evil and I'm really retired." She met his eyes for a poignant moment before she said softly, anger suddenly fading as she felt the exhaustion and tension pouring off of him, "It's sort of amazing how much we can fool other people just by saying something enough times isn't it? But in the end," she shrugged, still staring at him, "we can't escape what we are."

He averted his gaze as he replied, with far less conviction, "Exactly. And I'm a vampire."

"No," she said softly, taking a step toward him and gently placing a hand on his arm, cringing as he flinched but didn't pull away, "You're a hero."

He did yank away then, anger on his face, but through it she could see the hurt, hurt she didn't fully understand and wasn't sure she wanted to as he snapped,

"I don't want you here. Don't you have some clubbing to be doing? I bet the nightlife is just getting started right about now in Italy- maybe your boyfriend could-"

"That is true," she nodded calmly, cutting him off, a trace of wistfulness in her voice. "Clubbing has been a major theme. Right behind shopping and sex." She shrugged, dropping her defensive posture as she decided that her best bet was probably to be honest. "It was okay. Didn't make me particularly happy, but then, pretending never does-"

He looked confused for a fraction of a second and she drew some hope from that even as he snapped. "Fine then. Go home to your Immortal lover and-"

"Please don't" she cut him off, voice taking on a pleading quality despite her best efforts and he averted his gaze again, looking even more off balance as she continued slowly, hesitantly, "I've racked up a lot more sexual partners than I ever would have believed I could have in my life when I met you, but none of them were my lover."

"None of them?" he asked in a choked voice and she ventured a small smile.

"You know the answer to that." She shook her head as though to clear it before saying with more confidence. "So yes, I had my kicks in Italy. But in the end- I am who I am."

"The slayer," he supplied slowly and her eyes narrowed slightly as she opened her mouth to contradict him, deciding at the last moment that it wasn't worth the effort before she shrugged.

"Among other things." She looked around uncertainly. "You live here?"

"Yes."

At her disbelieving look, he elaborated reluctantly "I also work here."

Despite herself a small, genuine smile flashed across Buffy's face. "Still with the cryptic," she grinned and was surprised when he smiled back, the tone in the room somehow having lightened… and her brow furrowed slightly as she remembered something he had said. "Also, I am SO not with the council," she said abruptly. "I'm just here. As Buffy. No slayer stuff going on." She shrugged again. "And even if it was, which, it, SO totally is not," she said, then cringed, hoping she wasn't overdoing her mad insistence that this was just a social call, at the suspicious look on his face fearing that she had, "I haven't been working with them since they refused to help you when Faith shot you with that arrow- what? Six years ago?"

His eyes narrowed. "And you haven't been working with Giles, either, I suppose," he bit out sarcastically, and her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Um- when? Recently?" She flushed. "Pretty much my recently has consisted of smoky Italian clubs, you were right about that much. Why?"

He looked at her tensely for a long moment, seeming to try to read her face, then relaxed his posture slightly, admitting softly,

"It never did ring true that you would be that cruel-"

"I'm sorry?" she said in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"It's not important," and she sighed deeply in frustration, trying to focus on the positives. Like, that he was no longer demanding she leave or insisting he was evil.

"I always wondered a lot more about the thoughts you didn't finish than the ones you did," she blurted unthinkingly, then flushed at the realization that she'd said it aloud, continuing to babble, mostly in a mad effort to change the subject. "So, non-evil Angel, if I can call you that," she said, trying for flippant but shooting him a genuine smile as she perched on a desk, "What the hell are you doing here alone in an insanely big office at 2 in the afternoon on a working day trying to drink your way into oblivion?"

He was silent for so long she thought he wasn't going to answer before he finally said carefully, "I was with my son."

Her mouth formed a small 'o' as she blinked before saying softly, "Yeah, heard something about that. I meant to send a card, actually, but then, you know," she shrugged.

"I do," he said softly, eyes meeting hers _oh god, why do we always have to understand each other so damn well-_

She shook her head briefly, trying to clear it, before she offered a sympathetic grimace. "And it didn't go well?"

"What?" he asked, brow furrowing in confusion, and she rolled her eyes affectionately.

"Well, you go see-" her brow furrowed as she tried hard to remember the name that had been whispered tentatively around her, mostly when her well intentioned friends thought she wasn't listening- whispers about Darla and Angel and unprecedented occurrences- "Connor?" she questioned, rewarded by his brief nod before continuing, "And the next thing I know you're drinking yourself into oblivion… generally that would mean something bad happened-"

"Didn't," he cut her off briefly, not meeting her eyes. "It went- better than I could have hoped."

Her brow furrowed. "I don't-" before she realized that seeing his son had probably made it harder for Angel to accept the fact that he was going to die tonight- "I mean- how old is he now?" she asked carefully, relieved as Angel perched on a desk across from her, seeming to accept that she was going to stay a while.

"Not exactly sure," he admitted briefly. "Maybe 20?"

"Wow," Buff replied after a long moment, looking floored. "Kids sure do grow up fast nowadays-"

"Long story," he said briefly and she shot him a weak smile.

"I've got some time." She swallowed hard, trying to brace herself before saying in a rush, "I'm sorry I haven't been better at keeping in touch."

He shrugged. "It's not like I've made some heroic effort."

"Let's be better from now on," she said softly, meeting his eyes once more and actually feeling like the words meant something even though she knew she would be dead in less than twelve hours, slightly gratified at the earnestness on his face as he nodded slowly.

"I'd like that."

Buffy's stomach growled suddenly and she offered him a wry smile. "So, is there a kitchen somewhere in this place you call a house? Because, I mean, I hate to be rude, but I'm sort of starving, and I figure, you know, talking good, food good, so maybe cookingtalking very good, yes?"

He blinked, just once, in confusion before a small but genuine smile graced his face and he shook his head kindly. "You never really change."

She felt like her heart was breaking. "Neither do you."

He stood, gesturing lightly. "Follow me."

--

_Feedback is better than David Boreanaz (almost!) and truly does inspire me to continue…thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!_


	6. Chapter 6: Always

Angel laughed despite himself as Buffy told another amusing story about her time in Italy, this one involving a bus catching on fire because it was so near breaking down and being forced to throw her shopping bags out a window and instruct people on how to scale a stone wall because they were scared the vehicle was going to explode.

"Hey!" she quipped with a bemused smile, throwing a towel at him half-heartedly. "I'm describing my trauma here!" She let out a sharp giggle. "I actually had to give a three-hundred pound opera singer a boost, and the bus driver was all "No! No! Sinora! You will injure yourself!", only in Italian, so I only really got the gist and then I was like, "um, hell-o, slayer!" only there was the whole pesky language divide thing- and, well, also I couldn't actually say 'slayer' so then he tried to take me down 'for my own protection' and I was totally forced to-"

Angel unconsciously tuned her out as she turned away from him to artlessly throw some vegetables into a skillet, doing what she could with her limited cooking skills and his even more limited food supply. Despite himself he found himself focusing on the casual toss of her head as she did so, the blonde hair that carelessly swept to the side, caressing her throat- and he felt yet another part of himself die as he realized that everything he'd hoped for, no matter how hard he'd tried to convince himself that he didn't anymore, since he'd discovered what his Shanshu was had materialized in front of him- Buffy cooking, laughing, more beautiful than she ever was even in his memories, even in his dreams, wearing an outfit he was sure cost at least five times what she'd protested that it did, acting- _normal_, not seeming to expect anything or be bitter about anything, just living it- taking it for granted.

Since she'd walked in- or at least since she'd made what was obviously a heroic effort to get over her impulse to argue with him and instead focus on the superficial, meaningless things, seemingly determined to end things on a high note- seeming, despite her best efforts to convince him otherwise, to accept that this was the end of their story- everything that he had believed about tonight had been confirmed in his mind. He was going to die, she knew it, and through some final, bizarre act of mercy the powers had sent her to prepare him in some way- maybe offer him some comfort. At first he had suspected she was there to try to defy death again, help him fight, but her insistence that she was not with the council had effectively squashed that thought- she couldn't have been any more obvious about the fact that she wasn't there to offer help in the fight- she was just- there. And all it was doing, was stabbing him over and over with the realization of all he could never have- all he should never have dared to hope for-

"Angel," he suddenly heard her say in a tone of voice that made it clear it was at least the third or fourth time she'd called his name, and his heart almost broke at the concerned look on her face as she slid to the ground in front of him, placing her hands on his knees in what could only have been described as a gesture of supplication, offering him a hesitant half-smile. "Where'd you go?" She rolled her eyes self-deprecatingly, adding, "I mean, I know I'm not, like, the most interesting-"

"No," he protested at once, standing up and turning away from her as he struggled to find the words to say what he needed to, unable to look at her when her eyes were still so young, still looking at him, after everything, like she cared- like she trusted- "I was- I mean, all I ever wanted was your happiness, so I'm glad- to hear your stories about how you have been-"

"My God, Angel," she said softly from across the room, and he didn't need to look at her to know how her brow had wrinkled in disbelief as she continued, "You can't honestly believe I could have been happy if I'd had any idea that you were-" she bit her lip, choosing the word carefully before finishing, "Struggling."

"I've been fine," he said dismissively, and she cursed the fact that the Powers had forbidden her to reveal anything that they had said to her earlier that day as she crossed the room, whirling him around to face her as she said slowly,

"I don't think so."

And suddenly he knew he couldn't stand to see that expression on her face anymore- couldn't stand to have that tenderness and concern directed toward him, not now, not when he should be alone preparing to die, and he snapped cruelly, "You don't know anything about how I've been. You don't believe I could be fine without you, is that it? Well believe me, I've survived."

She looked taken aback, brow furrowing, and he almost couldn't continue as she said wryly, "Yes, I can see that much."

"Well good. You've seen and now you can go," he said, taking her arm and nearly manhandling her toward the door, more surprised than he should have been when she planted her feet and sent him flying backward instead, saying simply, defiantly,

"Sorry, don't wanna," going back toward her makeshift stir-fry and shaking the skillet slightly, looking so natural doing so that he found himself becoming even more angry, that even after all this time and all this change she could still look like she belonged in his home- like she was MEANT to be in his home-

"I'm sure your boyfriend is expecting you," he snapped and she rolled her eyes.

"Enough with the Immortal!" she snapped impatiently, transferring her mean onto a plate before defiantly sitting down at the table and taking a bite. "He dumped me, is that what you want to hear? Kind of a while ago, too-" and she smirked then, tilting her chin at his surprised and sympathetic look as she snapped, "Oh no! Did your spy not keep you up to date?"

"You know about-" he began incredulously and she rolled her eyes.

"Hate to break it to you, but he sort of lacked your gift for stealth. Nice kid, though, very eager to do his job-" she frowned slightly. "I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

"Spike convinced me to call him off after we went to Italy," Angel admitted grudgingly and she bit back an amused smile.

"Okay, talk about unexpected," she mused before continuing suddenly, "Wanna know why he dumped me?"

"The Immortal? Not particularly," Angel lied smoothly, determined not to let her see that he cared and she shook her head self-deprecatingly.

"I think his exact words were, 'You're incredible, but you don't reach the age of 500 without being able to tell when someone loves you and when someone wishes she did,'" Buffy said flippantly, taking another bite of food. "Not the first time I've heard that, but definitely the first time I've heard it said so well." She shrugged, sadness briefly flitting across her face as she added softly, "I sort of think he maybe just wanted me to protest, you know, but I couldn't because- he was right."

"And now you come here-WHY?" he demanded, at a loss as to where she was trying to take this as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Because your latest boy toy dumped you and you want to tell good old Angel that you're done baking, is that it? Are you COOKIES now?" he demanded caustically, grabbing her upper arms and pulling her to her feet, shaking her roughly. "Do you think I care?"

"And if I am cookies now," she asked slowly, disbelievingly, "Are you saying you wouldn't want me?"

"YES," He lied brutally, shoving her away from him to the ground, and she looked at him, eyes wide as she murmured thoughtfully,

"That's funny. Because from where I'm sitting it sounds like the problem is you know you do still want me and it kills you." His gaze wavered, then fell as he found himself unable to meet her searching eyes as she stood, enquiring, "Do you want to discuss the technicalities?" ignoring the slight crack in her voice that she couldn't hide. "Namely the subtle nuances of your VERY SKREWED UP mind? What was that all about anyway?"

He blinked, genuinely uncertain as to what she was talking about. "I don't-"

"When you came. To Sunnydale. And threw your little bitch fit about Spike and how ooooh! You could SMELL him on me," she supplied bitterly, and he was grateful that he couldn't blush as he protested,

"I did not-"

"The hell you didn't!" she screamed, wondering in some distant corner of her mind how they had come to be shouting at each other when they'd been laughing- basking- five minutes before, concluding reluctantly that she should have known that with him it would have to be this way- it was all too real, it was all to raw, it was all too ever-present, and none of it ever faded, none of it ever went away- "You threw your little bitch fit and then you had the nerve to act like it was my choice to leave YOU! Like it was me who needed to find myself and told you I might come find you after I was done. YOU left ME, do you remember this? There was a sewer, I looked kind of pretty, then there were tears? And then suddenly you issue this open invitation for me to come find you when I'm done baking, like that was ever an option ever and I was too confused to call you on your BULLSHIT. You want to know the truth?" she asked, lowering her voice and advancing toward him. "I was cookies before anyone else my age was even in the oven. I only said anything I said that night to make you feel better because I thought I was going to die. Well guess what? Here I am, alive, and here you are and as usual we come to the real question- just how much of your own garbage do you really believe, because, let me tell you, it is really getting OLD."

"Fine then! I told you to leave," he said, deciding the only possible way to deal with everything was to shut down as she ranted,

"You are SO selfish, do you realize that? How do you get up in the morning knowing how selfish you are? Okay, fine, you've got your _problems_ right now. Well wake up: So do I! I ask you for TWO hours of your time in EIGHT years- two hours which, by the way, you would have just used to drink yourself into oblivion ANYWAY- and all you can tell me is to get out? Did it ever occur to you that I might want to be here for a REASON? That maybe it MEANT something to me?"

"What did?" he asked despite himself and was stunned as a tear drifted down her cheek.

"All of it," she whispered, gulping. "There's a reason the Immortal isn't the first person to tell me that I don't love him Angel. Did that ever penetrate your thick skull? Did it ever occur to you how goddamn PERFECT Riley was and how ridiculous it was that I never loved him even a little bit? My God!" she snapped. "Did you think that the word 'Always' was just something I said to appease you? I was a pretty selfish kid, not too into the appeasing, or did you miss that too?"

Buffy took a deep breath, bracing herself to continue with her list of grievances, but stopped as she registered the shell-shocked look on his face, the rapid blinking that she had only seen twice before and she knew meant he was trying not to cry, and she felt her anger evaporate as quickly as it had come, taking a halting step toward him, wanting only to hold him before she remembered it was on the long list of actions denied her when it came to him and she felt herself hardening slightly once more.

"I'm-" he began slowly, then let out a deep breath. "I don't know what you want me to say. I- did assume that word meant something different to you than to me. You were only a teenager, I didn't think-" he gulped, eyes meeting hers as he offered hoarsely, "I apologize for that. I should have learned by now not to underestimate you-"

She opened her mouth to tell him it was okay, that it was over now, before realizing that both things would just be a lie, feeling sharply that things between them would never stand another one, hating the look on his face, longing for a time when she could have just taken three steps forward and kissed it away, kissed her pain away with it-

"If it means anything to you at all," he continued to her amazement, as she tried to remember if she had ever heard him say this many words together before when they weren't related to some pending evil, "I haven't loved anyone else either. And I-" he looked down guiltily before admitting softly, "Did try."

"It's okay that you tried," she offered softly, voice breaking as she struggled not to cry, glad to be able to say something true that wouldn't also be cruel. "I never wanted you to not find love, I just-" and she hated that her voice cracked again, "I just always kind of wished it could be with me."

"If we're clearing things up now," he said slowly, "In the sewer, when you said you wanted your life to be with me and I told you I didn't- I meant that I didn't want your life to be with me, not that I didn't want my life to be with you. I didn't know if you understood-"

"I didn't," she replied softly, then shrugged. "I was pretty young- there was a lot I didn't really get." She smiled ironically. "The concept of 'always' was not one of those things, but there was a lot I just couldn't-"

"I know," he cut her off and she smiled at him sadly, hating the agonized tension in the room, hating her inability to relieve it with any sort of human contact- hugs led to dangerous territory, and anything else- and suddenly something occurred to her, as they continued to stand there in painful silence and she bit her lip nervously before blurting,

"Angel? Do you maybe want to fight?"

--

_Feedback keeps me writing and makes me happy! (even bad feedback- go ahead, tell me you hate it ;) ) Thanks for reading :)_


	7. Chapter 7: Talking is Overrated

Angel frowned slightly, looking down at her, before cracking a weak smile "I was sort of hoping maybe we were done fighting," he offered weakly, and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't be stupid," she muttered. "You know. _Fight."_

He blinked at her in surprised confusion. "What?"

She rolled her eyes, losing patience as she snapped, making an elaborate and incomprehensible circular motion with her hands, "Fight. TRAIN. Throw punches and kicks of various varieties at one another and hope no one gets killed. Whatever you're calling it these days."

He looked at her in disbelief before snorting doubtfully. "You think you're up for it?"

Her jaw dropped in outrage as she drew herself up to her full height. "Oh, I'm up for it."

He leveled her with a stare. "You're going to fight me in THAT?"

She looked down at her outfit and rolled her eyes. "Oh PLEASE. You know I've fought in worse."

He snorted once more. "I will admit you're the only slayer I've ever seen fight in a miniskirt.

"You mean in style," she quipped dismissively, tossing her hair. "Besides, I only wore those stupid things because I knew they drove you crazy."

His jaw dropped slightly and an almost pained look that she didn't understand flitted across his face as he said flatly, "You're joking."

She arched an eyebrow playfully. "Okay, I'm joking," she shrugged.

His jaw dropped again and she almost laughed as he sputtered. "You're… NOT joking?"

She shrugged casually. "Beat me and maybe I'll tell you."

He stared at her intently. "We fight and I'm not going to hold back."

"I'd be offended if you did," she replied archly, bending her knees slightly in anticipation.

"Okay," he said with deceptive calm and her brow furrowed in confusion as she echoed the word.

"Okay?"

"Let's fight," he growled, launching forward so suddenly she had no time to brace herself as a firm roundhouse kick sent her crashing against the wall.

--

Within the first ten seconds Buffy had sacrificed her shoes and was diving for cover as a lamp shattered against the wall where her head would have been.

"Okay," she muttered under her breath as she tried to regroup, "Clearly buying pants a size too tight is no longer a good idea when you haven't trained in over a y-" then gasped as Angel pounced on her, slamming her to the ground. She instinctively took advantage of his momentary lack of balance as he tried to pin her down, bringing her elbow up sharply and slashing it against his chest before pressing her legs against him and using all her strength to reverse their positions, gasping as he shoved her off of him with both hands and leapt up. She took advantage of her position on the floor to kick his legs out from under him as she leapt up herself and grabbed for the nearest available weapon "A fork?" she muttered incredulously. "You must be KIDDING me!" before launching it at his rapidly approaching form, hoping it would buy her some time. He dived to avoid it and as it sliced cleanly into his shoulder he let out a cry of rage, picking up a CD player from where it was perched and launching it at her head, forcing her to dive over the table dramatically as it careened into the wall where her head would have been-

And both froze as it hit the floor with a thud and began to blare music loudly. Despite herself Buffy dropped her fighting stance as she stood, letting out a large giggle as she gasped, "You're KIDDING me. You listen to Britney Spears?"

"I do NOT-" he began with a scandalized look that only made her laugh harder before he abruptly growled "Harmony," looking at the offending object as though he wanted to smash it into a million pieces.

"Come again?" Buffy inquired blankly as Angel continued to rant,

"I tell her time and time again to-" before sighing in exasperation as the music drawled "_Hit me baby one more-"_

Buffy's eyes locked with Angel's and both gave barely perceptible nods indicating a brief truce as they united against the common enemy, both leaping forward and stomping on the CD player with all their strength, diving out of the way as it splintered around them before putting up their fists, circling each other uneasily.

"So you're working with Harmony?" Buffy demanded incredulously. "Well, that would explain your slower reflexes. I'm sure listening to her all day must really put a strain on-"

"I'm not the one here who's out of shape," he retorted roughly. "You've gained at least ten pounds since I last saw you and none of it's muscle."

"And yet, to the casual observer it might still appear that I'm kicking your ass," she quipped dryly before venturing a sharp kick, rewarded with his groan of pain even as he roughly grabbed the leg and used it to flip her onto her back before pinning her down again, this time grabbing her arms.

"And now it might appear to the casual observer that I've won," he said smugly.

"Well, that's the thing about casual observers," she chirped, forcing her body to relax even as she picked up one of her discarded shoes with her foot and maneuvered her leg to slam the pointed heel with all her strength into his back, rolling out from underneath him as he emitted a sharp cry of pain as she finished, "They're not watching very closely."

She violently kicked out, making contact with his chin and sending him sprawling backward as she continued, "Oh! And by the way!" kicking out again as he tried to stand, "NEVER tell a girl she's gained weight."

"I didn't say," he grunted, blocking her next hit with his arm as he leapt up, taking advantage of her momentary confusion to punch her brutally, "That the weight didn't look GOOD."

"Why do you think you still have your head?" she enquired nonchalantly as she ventured a blow at him which he easily deflected, just as casually deflecting a punch he threw her way.

"You ARE holding back," she said breathlessly as they began to circle one another once more, and he gave half a shrug.

"Out of shape or not, so are you."

"I'm not out of shape," she said flatly with a defiant lift of her chin and he smirked.

"Wanna prove it to me?"

"Dunno," she drawled. "You want me to?" _Okay, I know it cannot be normal that that just sounded like foreplay-_

"I'd say yes."

With a violent cry she launched toward him.

--

Ten minutes later both lay sprawled on their backs on separate sides of the room, gasping for breath.

"I don't suppose we could just say I win?" Buffy ventured in a small voice, slightly alarmed when he didn't say anything for a long moment and with an effort propping herself up with her elbows. "Angel?"

"I'd be willing to settle for 'truce'" he offered weakly and she sighed in relief, flopping backward.

"Just this once, I'll allow you to have your delusion that I wouldn't have won," she agreed, closing her eyes. "I think maybe we should meditate in place for a few minutes. Just for the spiritual experience. You understand."

"Definitely always up for some- very still- meditation," he agreed, sounding relieved.

Several minutes later Buffy pushed herself up, saying softly, "Okay, I think I can move now- I mean, I think maybe we should clean up now-"

"What you said the first time works," Angel stated, pushing himself up as well and she grimaced slightly as she looked at him.

"Are you okay?"

"I'll live. You?"

She nodded. "Definitely fine." She smiled wryly. "Pretty grateful for accelerated slayer healing, but fine." She flushed slightly. "That was-"

"Yeah," he nodded, eyes meeting hers intensely. "It was."

She said the words quickly, softly, knowing she would lose her nerve if she didn't. "I missed you, Angel."

He gulped, lowering his eyes. "Likewise."

She smiled weakly, tossing a throw pillow at him to be replaced on the couch, smile fading as he cringed when he reached to grab it.

"You're hurt," she said flatly, taking a concerned step toward him.

"Those shoes were pretty brutal," he grimaced with a shrug. "It was good to see you haven't lost your knack for improvisation, though-"

"You're bleeding?" she enquired incredulously as she got closer.

"Well, generally that is what happens when stiletto heels are-"

"Okay, enough with the witty," she snapped. "Take off your shirt."

He frowned slightly. "I don't think I-"

She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. "Angel, we're not children. You need to get cleaned up, it'll be faster if I help. Now take off. Your shirt."

"Buffy, I-"

"Oh come on," she said, rolling her eyes as she moved toward him. "If how you've been acting is any indication it's not like you could be perfectly happy today anyway and it's not like-"

And suddenly both froze as her words sunk in, though whether from the fact that the thing that had never been directly mentioned between them was now hanging there or because she had called its validity on this day into question Buffy wasn't sure.

"Um," she said slowly at his searching look, taking a halting step backward, mentally debating the pros and cons of asking the question _funny that my rapidly approaching death seems like both the strongest argument for and against this_ before deciding that for better or worse she **did **have to know before blurting, "Could you?"

"Be happy?" he choked out, cringing as she nodded before contemplating for a long moment, willing himself not to be swayed by the fact that at this moment she was more beautiful than she had ever been, eyes wide, hair disheveled, heart beating rapidly enough that he could see the swift pulsing of her throat, the gentle rise of her bosom, tan, flat stomach exposed thanks to the rip he had made in her shirt as he'd pulled her toward him in the heat of battle- and then suddenly the reality of it all hit him like a ton of bricks, the fact that the apocalypse was tonight, that his Shanshu was gone, that he was going to die and never see his son again- never see her again-

"No," he said heavily. "I _really_ couldn't."

"You- couldn't" she echoed flatly, feeling her knees giving out from underneath her as she tried to process this, tried decide what to do about it _you know what to do about it_ now, after all this time, when she was about to be killed so he could Shanshu, suddenly knowing she couldn't move if her life depended on it. "That's-" she choked out, "Nice."

He nodded, looking as stunned and uncertain as she felt. "Nice," he echoed.

"I think," she murmured, hating the sexual tone that had crept into her voice seemingly from nowhere, and she cleared her throat awkwardly in an only half successful attempt to remove it, "I mean- I should go."

He nodded again. "That would be- smart."

She nodded vehemently but didn't trust her legs to move for a long moment as she gulped. "It was- REALLY nice to see you," she blurted, forcing one foot in front of the other slowly.

He nodded, still looking shell-shocked. "You too."

Her legs were shaking and she tripped suddenly over some debris from their fight, causing him to leap forward and catch her before she fell to the ground, pulling her toward himself in an effort to help her regain her footing, shuddering at the familiar electricity that by all rights should have vanished years ago-

She knew the second his skin made contact with hers that it was all over and she shivered against him as he pulled her closer. Some things just couldn't be stopped. Some things were never meant to be- "Angel," she whimpered, feeling like she should say something even as his lips descended to roughly capture her own.

--

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	8. Chapter 8: Drawings

"OOooooh," Buffy groaned as she was slammed down onto the table, wrapping her legs around Angel's waist instinctively even as her mind whirled, screaming at her all the ways in which this could go wrong, all the ways in which this wasn't a good idea- "Ahhhh," she hissed as his tongue flicked across her throat, igniting fire and she unconsciously ground her hips against his, noting the sharp intake of breath he didn't really need as she threw her head back and gasped, feeling like an idiot as her body reacted purely based on instinct, her mind suddenly blank, having forgotten everything she'd learned about anything sexual over the past few years as she felt like a fumbling virgin again as her nails dug into his arms at the same instant that he ripped her flimsy shirt from her body.

And as he rapidly divested her of her skimpy bra and his mouth descended she abandoned any thought of trying to stop what had always been inevitable, instead starting to worry that she was going to disappoint him- that he was going to disappoint her, after all the longing and all the years-

And then, suddenly, unfathomably they were crashing through another door and onto a bed and he was murmuring her name and she couldn't think anymore.

At all.

--

Buffy felt herself waking up before she was wholly ready to do so, reaching for Angel and alarmed when she felt only sheets, jerking upward and saying his name with a certain desperation _oh god, he lost his soul, and the Shanshu DEFINITELY said he has to have a soul and WHEN am I going to learn-_

"I'm here," he said quietly from across the room and she almost started to cry in relief at the gentleness in his tone. She slumped backward in relief, wishing her mind would be quiet, confused by her near giddiness when the world was about to end _well, I guess one thing I learned in Bio 101 was true, sex really does release endorphins-_and then decided to just embrace it, when she hadn't been this happy in so many years and now would never be again-

"Well, you should be HERE," she allowed herself to pout playfully, patting the bed next to her with an inviting smile, laying back down before she suddenly realized what he was doing and groaned "oh noooo," putting a hand up to block her face, disheartened when she continued to hear charcoal sweep against the creamy paper. "Did we never have the discussion about how I look terrible when I first wake up and don't particularly want that to be captured for all eternity?"

"You look gorgeous," he said shortly, and she felt her heart flip flop in a way it hadn't since before she had died for the second time as he continued to make rapid strokes and she gave up what she realized must seem like pathetically unconvincing protestations, just savoring the moment- her lover drawing her after what was unquestionably the best sex of her life, fighting all but forgotten- and her smile faded slightly as she remembered all that was still unresolved between them, all that could never be fully resolved when there was no time- when the real fighting, the kind involving apocalypse and death, was going to begin within the next few hours- before she decided the best possible thing to do would just be to forget it, however briefly. and accept the fact that she had finally gotten to experience what her body, what her soul had been silently waiting for since she was 17 years old even though she had never been fully able to admit it… and as he ripped a page out of the sketchpad he was holding and rapidly started to outline another drawing she smirked slightly and crawled to the foot of the bed, tossing her hair backward playfully and feeling brazen, shocked at her own carefree mood, the lightness with which she was able to wield her sensuality at a moment which really should have felt tragic if she or he ever followed any rules of logic _ever_ even as she smiled sexily.

"If I look so gorgeous," she purred, "Come to bed," surprised as he ignored her words, gazing at her intently before saying alertly, "Yes, stay like that," tearing another page out of his sketchbook carelessly and beginning another portrait. She smirked, shifting on purpose just to annoy him, shocked when, undeterred, he just ripped another page out and started another drawing.

She picked the discarded one up off the floor, expecting it to be rough and unpolished, shocked to see a shockingly detailed picture that she was pretty sure had perfectly captured the teasing look on her face-

"My god," she said quietly, almost dropping the paper in surprise. "You're really good."

"That's what all the girls say," he quipped, shooting her something that looked suspiciously like a smirk, and her mouth dropped as she realized he was feeling exactly what she was, probably just as surprised by it as she was _that really shouldn't shock me me, we always were freakily in tune with one another _before she let out a giggle, coming over and straddling him lightly, commenting with a smirk of her own,

"The world really must be ending if you're making jokes about sex," kissing him gently, trying not to analyze how odd it was that this really felt totally normal, as though she'd been waking up with him every day for the past-

And with that thought Buffy came slamming back down to reality, and as she heard Angel drop the sketchpad to the floor she felt him do the same, and, while moments before she had been grateful for the perpetual, perfect synchronicity between them now she cursed it as the mood in the room shifted within seconds. She fought the inevitable moment of truth, though, forcing herself to smile slightly as she asked, real curiosity in her tone as something occurred to her for the first time, "Was that what you wanted to be?"

"Hmmm?" he questioned, tone distracted, and she knew she had lost him to thoughts about what was to come that night as he glanced at the clock and cringed at the time he saw there, with unspeakable tenderness lifting her off his lap and throwing a shirt over his head.

"When you were- growing up," she elaborated carefully, following his lead and grabbing for her clothing, flushing as she realized it all was pretty much shredded beyond recognition and grateful as he threw her a flannel shirt and a pair of sweatpants as though anticipating her predicament _which would of course make sense-_

He paused, staring at her for a long moment before saying hoarsely, "No one ever asked me that before." She felt instantly contrite, opening her mouth to apologize even as he shrugged, wistful smile on his face before he continued, "Mostly I wanted to see the world, but I definitely would have drawn it- I sort of imagined myself on a ship somewhere-"

She smiled encouragingly. "It sounds nice."

"I think it would have been," he shrugged, breaking eye contact with her and pulling on shoes. "I was a pretty reckless man, though-" and he shook his head even as she looked at him eagerly, hoping against hope that he would continue, a wish that was not fulfilled as he gazed at her sadly. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I really do need you to leave. There are- things happening-"

She nodded slowly, smile fading at the reality that this was actually goodbye. "I know. I mean-" she amended with a hard swallow, "it's okay."

He took a step toward her, caressing her cheek gently and she allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she leaned into the touch, trying to savor it and not think about what she herself needed to do in the next few hours, trying just to feel- "It's not," he began hoarsely before shaking his head and trying again, "If I could-"

"I know," she whispered softly, taking a step forward and being crushed into his arms almost without realizing any of it was happening. "I would too."

He pushed back from her slightly, concern suddenly on his face as he sputtered, "It was- okay for you, right?" to her total disbelief and her mouth snapped open, then shut at least twice before she trusted herself to answer with anything resembling calm.

"Angel, that was-" she shook her head slowly, wishing she knew how to begin to express to him what she had felt as she said slowly, "I mean, when I first- when we first-" she sputtered, knowing she was blushing and unable to meet his gaze. "I've remembered that night so many times and- I mean, I always thought that I was overdoing it in my mind, that nothing could have ever been that- I mean whenever I was with," she gulped, "Other people, and it wasn't that good I always thought I was being unfair because I was just imagining- but-"

"But?" he echoed thickly and she forced her eyes to meet his before whispering,

"This was better."

And as they slowly separated she felt her heart catch in her throat, the million things she still needed to say to him crashing against her chest as she slowly retrieved her small purse, turning to look at him one last time as she reached the door.

"I-need to tell you," she began slowly, fingernails digging into her palms as she willed herself not to cry, "A lot has changed for me, you know. Lots of things from- I mean-" she bit her lip as a single tear slid despite her best efforts down her cheek. "But all this time, one thing stayed the same, no matter how badly I tried to tell myself-" He gazed at her silently, eyes alert, and she blurted it out before she could lose her nerve, the words coming out in a choked sob. "I want my life to be with you."

She ran out the door before she had to see his reaction, scared of what it might inspire her to do, to feel, now when she needed to focus her energy like never before. "Okay," she muttered to herself, resolving to just think about it later, when she could bear it, "Let's finish this."

--

Buffy took note of Spike approaching the building through the back alley _how typical_ and dove without hesitation from the roof where she was perched, waiting. She tackled him roughly and he put on his game face instantly, growling, "This is NOT a good night to mess-" before realizing it was her, relaxing his features at once as he proclaimed, near-joyfully, "Slayer! I knew you wouldn't just let us fry!" He frowned slightly, looking briefly remorseful as they both stood. "Though I really was looking forward to finally having a real brawl- I never understand what Angel's going on about, fighting evil blah blah blah. There's evil and there's EVIL and if you want my opinion we've spent a little too long focusing on the small-

"Spike," she said softly, with a small, silent smile, raising her eyebrows imploringly and he stopped talking at once as he surveyed to look on her face, his own smile fading as he held out his arms, and she went into them without hesitation, fighting the urge to cry.

"What's going on?" he asked after a brief moment of silence and she pushed away gently, reluctantly.

"Need your help," she admitted with an ironical smile and he nodded vehemently at once.

"Anything," he declared, then frowned. "Though I am a bit in the middle of an apocalypse at the moment, so-"

She smiled grimly as she replied dryly, "No worries. Our goals coincide."

"Thought they might," he said with a satisfied nod, then gestured toward the door. "Come on in. Angel-"

"Saw him," she cut him off and Spike actually rolled his eyes dismissively, staring pointedly at her outfit.

"Even if you didn't reek of him, I didn't think you got the brooding clothes at Versace, pet, but-" he began before his eyes widened and he said in disbelief, backing away from the building rapidly, "Fuck, Buffy- Don't tell me he's turned-"

"No! No…turning of any kind!" she snapped nervously and Spikes posture relaxed once more.

"Well, good, because he's bad enough like this-" he frowned slightly as he tried to piece it together. "So- you already went to Angel and he sent you away, and now you want me to-"

"Not exactly," she muttered, not meeting his eyes. "He- doesn't know I'm here to help. He thinks-" he brow furrowed as she bit her lip delicately. "Actually, as usual I don't know what he thinks, but it doesn't matter right now. You're the one I need to help me."

"Tell me what I can do," he nodded and she almost collapsed in relief as she tried to determine how to begin.

--

_I am HUGELY grateful for feedback, thank you to all who have left it in the past and to everyone who will leave it for this chapter :) I read it all and really take your ideas/suggestions/comments etc to heart :)_

_Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! _


	9. Chapter 9: SpikeandConnorandFaith ohmy!

"Okay," Buffy began, pacing back and forth nervously before meeting Spike's eyes with her own. "First of all, I've been wanting to tell you for a long time now that-when-" she smiled slightly ironically. "Well, during the _last_ apocalypse, when you stood there and-"

"Turned to ash?" he supplied dryly with a lift of his eyebrows and she fought the urge to laugh out loud at his delivery, realizing how much she really had missed his dry sense of humor even as she shot him a warning look, continuing earnestly,

"Spike, it was the bravest thing I've ever seen and- I swear to you, I have never been prouder of anyone than I was of you in that moment-"

"Holy shit," Spike said softly, taking a slow step backward. "We ARE all going to die."

"No!" she cut him off sharply. "None of you are dying tonight."

He narrowed his eyes slightly before gazing intently at her, and after a few seconds his whole face fell as he murmured, "Oh, pet. Not again."

She looked away from him, shrugging as she questioned "Not again what?" just a little too flippantly, confirming what he suspected, and he reached out a gentle hand, tilting her chin so she would need to meet his eyes as he offered her a sad smile.

"You're sacrificing yourself to save the world."

She held his gaze reluctantly as she slowly nodded. "Something like that. But- I do need your help."

He looked for a minute like he was going to deny her and she tried to brace herself for an argument she wasn't sure she would be able to handle, not after everything that had already happened today- not when she was still dealing with all that she had been forced to acknowledge that she still wanted and still could never have- but to her surprise he just nodded shortly, face displeased but tone gentle as he said, almost as though she were a stupid child,

"I already told you I would help."

"Thank you," she whispered, visibly slumping in relief as she shakily held out an envelope. "First of all- when it's over, this is for him."

"Always Angel," Spike said darkly, but she saw the hurt in his eyes and averted her own gaze in something resembling shame as she said imploringly,

"Please. He's going to have a- hard time."

Spike frowned, hating that he was having such difficulty discerning what _exactly _was going on before she chanced a glance upward at him, eyes naked with pain and regret and he muttered unthinkingly,

"Lucky BASTARD! It is him!"

She blinked in genuine confusion. "Um- Spike? Come again?"

"The Shanshu prophesy-" and his face cleared further as the final step clicked into place for him, as he nearly sputtered incredulously "And you need to die to make it happen."

Her jaw dropped, then shut, and she smiled sadly at him, wondering how she could have forgotten how perceptive he was for all his bluster. "That about sums it up, yes. Questions? Comments? Concerns?" she demanded as flippantly as she was able continuing the fact that she felt like her heart might literally jump up to her throat and choke her at any second.

"Are you out of your bloody MIND? How's that for a question?" he demanded, running a frustrated hand through his hair as he paced back and forth once, looking as though he wanted to shake her. "Buffy, this is madness-"

"Spike," she said softly, meeting his eyes, and he snapped his mouth shut at the somber, imploring tone in her voice, "You aren't going to change my mind. All you can do is impact how hard my last few hours here are. Don't make them harder."

He swallowed with difficulty, trying with limited success to get a handle of any kind on his emotions. "How was your day?" she asked idly as she watched him struggle, trying to divert his attention, if just a little, and hated how simplistic the question seemed, surprised that the answer mattered to her even now, surprised as a smile lit up his face.

"Actually, it went quite well," he said almost smugly, and she grinned at the characteristic twinkle in his eye as he continued, "Read my poetry at a club and the suckers LOVED it. Effulgent is the new-"

She shot him a genuine smile, cutting him off kindly. "It's about time."

His smile dimmed slightly as he looked at hers, and he stared at her face intently for a long moment, as though memorizing it, before muttering, "I know I can't change your mind, and I don't suppose I can very well physically stop you. So I ask, yet again- how can I help?"

"I need information." Buffy said softly, her own gaze sobering.

He grinned. "Always happy to play the snitch."

--

Buffy nervously knocked on a plain wooden door, anxiously smoothing down the slightly sexy red tank top she'd hurriedly purchased on her way, having decided that, shallow as it was, she really didn't want to die in a black shirt and sweatpants, even if they did smell like Angel-

And then all her thoughts froze in place as the door swung open, revealing a young man who she knew at once must be Darla's son- must be Angel's-

"Connor?" she blurted weakly and his eyes narrowed suspiciously as he asked cautiously,

"Who wants to know?"

"My name is Buffy," she said slowly, hating how ridiculous all of this was going to sound. "I'm sort of a friend of your-"

"Wow," he cut her off, looking her thoroughly up and down, to her slight discomfort. "Anyone ever tell you you're small for a legend?"

She smirked slightly. "All the time. Can I come in?"

"That depends," he retorted with a smirk of his own. "Is the world ending?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she gave a small shrug. "That depends too."

"On what?"

She offered him a tiny smile and another shrug. "A lot of things. One of them is you."

His brow furrowed as he stepped aside to let her in. "How do I fit into this-"

"You're pretty strong, right?" she asked casually, frustrated as he only tilted his head to the side slightly.

"I guess so. I mean, I'm not as strong as-"

Deciding to just go for it she lashed out, punching him violently in the gut, pleased when he returned her blow with a strong uppercut to her jaw. He assumed a fighting stance, but she placed up a hand. "Save your energy. You'll need it." At his confused look she looked apologetic, explaining, "Never was big conventional methods, but I had to make sure you're strong enough-"

"Strong enough for what?" he enquired in confusion and she bit her lip, trying to determine the best way to convey what she needed to, at length deciding that given her time constraints and the fact that she knew next to nothing about the man standing before her, the best bet was probably just to spit it out.

"Your dad needs some help. I can't give it to him right now because I need to get ready for later-"

"I don't-" he began and she held up a hand.

"I know you and your dad aren't on the best of terms but I'm taking a leap of faith here and assuming you don't want him dead," she cut him off sharply, meeting his gaze unwaveringly for a long moment, relieved when he nodded.

"I don't."

She smiled fleetingly. "I didn't think so. I can't really tell you what's going on- you just need to get to his office NOW. And-" she paused, biting her lip before adding "you need to forget you saw me."

"He's gonna ask why I'm there-"

She shrugged. "Considering who your parents are I'm sure you're smart. You'll think of something. I'd go with some version of 'What? You drop by for a cup of coffee and the world's not ending?' She smirked sardonically. "But that's just me." She surveyed him closely, wished there were more time for explanations, for questions, even for idle chit chat about the weather- "You look a lot like your mom."

He shrugged. "So they tell me."

"It's a good thing," Buffy smiled with an open shrug. "I mean, whatever else I may have wanted to say about Darla, she did have awesome bone structure-"

He let out a brief snort of laughter. "You're different than I thought," he mused and she looked at him, face curious.

"How was I supposed to be?"

"Truthfully? Whenever you came up I always sort of got the idea that you were- selfish. But- I mean, do you believe that everyone has an energy?"

Her brow furrowed slightly, and she nodded. "I do."

"I do too. I didn't used to pay attention to it but- recently I've sort of had to realize there's sometimes more to people than there looks like there is, so I've been trying to be in tune with their energy- and yours isn't selfish. At all."

She shrugged self-depricatingly. "Maybe it used to be."

His eyes lit with something resembling fascination. "What were you like when my dad knew you?"

She smiled briefly, a genuine one. "Young. Kind of ditzy. Idealistic enough to fall in love with a vampire, even after thinking he'd tried to eat my mother-"

Connor's jaw dropped. "What?"

She laughed slightly. "Get him to tell you sometime." She looked wistful for a brief moment before asking awkwardly, "Did- he say I was selfish?"

Connor shook his head, not needing to ask who she was talking about. "No. He never mentioned you ever- it was how I knew how much he thought about you."

She smiled wistfully, and then her face sobered. "We have to go."

"Did you love him?" Connor blurted as she strode out the door, confident that he would follow her, but at the words she froze, turned to meet his eyes. 

"More than I ever loved anything else in my whole life." Pain flashed across her face and she added softly. "If I- ever come up- after tonight- it would be okay with me if you remembered I said that. I- never know if he knows-"

The young man looked confused, but couldn't figure out what she was getting at as she whirled again and strode rapidly from the building.

--

"Buff!" Faith shouted the second Buffy ducked into the deserted warehouse they'd designated as a meeting place and Buffy felt gladder to see her than she ever would have dreamed was possible even a few years ago as they embraced tightly. "G-man is spitting FIRE about the fact that we took over his plan," Faith continued, rapidly ushering Buffy toward another room. "Would you believe he didn't call me either?"

"Sorta makes you long for the days when we were the chosen two, huh?" Buffy quipped with a smile before adding, "You look good."

"So do you, girlfriend!" Faith proclaimed enthusiastically. "Retirement and" she looked Buffy up and down appraisingly, "Vampire sex must really agree with you-"

"Faith!" Buffy hissed, sounding scandalized as she looked around, relieved to see that the few people who were milling around in the outer room didn't seem to have heard before she nudged Faith sharply. "How do you-"

Faith rolled her eyes. "How WAS Angel?" she asked pointedly and Buffy blushed, half squealing, half-moaning,

"FAITH!"

The girl smirked. "I'll take that as an 'excellent'-" before her expression sobered. "You and he must really think the world is ending if-"

"I don't," Buffy cut her off sharply, her own gaze becoming somber. "And neither should you. This is just another apocalypse to add to our belt."

"And just when you thought you were retired for good-" Faith began abut Buffy shrugged slightly, cutting her off.

"Truthfully- I mean, I thought I liked retirement. Got to do a lot of fun, normal things. But today- when I- it was like, suddenly I had a purpose again. And- even though I didn't want to miss it- I REALLY did."

"Know whatcha mean," Faith nodded, and in that moment Buffy knew that it was true and fought the urge to embrace the girl once more, fearful that it would make her worry even as Faith continued to quip, "Ready to talk to the troops?"

"Always," Buffy nodded grimly. "Spike was nothing if not helpful. He figures we have about-" she looked at her watch before shrugging, "Well, by now, 60 minutes to get to an alley-"

"That enough time?"

Buffy smiled sardonically. "I've had less."

--

Spike looked around the alley nervously, wondering for the first time if Buffy was actually going to be too late as he turned to Angel, trying to remain calm in the face of thousands of rapidly approaching, clearly blood-thirsty demons of all sorts. "In terms of a plan?" he inquired rapidly.

"We fight," Angel said with his typical stoic calm and for the first time Spike fully realized that the man did have a death wish tonight for some reason he himself could not fully understand-

"Be more specific," Spike requested sharply, stunned when Angel shrugged, saying with that same uncaring stoicism,

"Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon."

"Sorry, lover," a determined voice came from behind them, and despite himself Spike's knees almost gave out in relief as he heard it and Buffy continued, "The dragon is mine."

"Buffy?" Angel questioned in disbelief, not even trusting himself to turn around as he felt the emotions he'd been fighting all night to repress bubbling to the surface, strongest among them the instinct to survive-

"And friends," Faith quipped, brandishing a broadsword as the first of the beasts reached them and with a vicious cry making the first kill of the night, slicing one of their heads cleanly off. "Let's go to work," she screamed.

--

_As always, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and feedback keeps me going (and is hugely appreciated!)_


	10. Chapter 10: Sparlking Fire

Angel's horror was only equaled by his pride as the petite blonde beside him took down demon upon demon, fearlessly throwing herself into the center of the battle, somehow managing to never be further than ten feet away from him, clearly watching what he was doing out of the corner of her eye even as she wrecked havoc on the scene in front of her. Seeing him looking at her as she ruthlessly snapped a demon's neck she shot him a small, knowing smile before viciously lashing out at the next obstacle, and it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't seen her fight like this since the days when he first knew her, before the master had killed her- almost completely on the offensive, never hesitating, seeming confident that nothing could possibly hurt her, could possibly conquer her-

He cringed despite himself as a Xander and the army of trained military experts he had bought with him fired another round of bullets from atop a nearby building, taking out a large handful of the monsters surrounding him and Buffy, who took advantage of the demons temporary distraction to look toward another building where Willow and a handful of witches were muttering an incantation, closely guarded by Faith and seven other slayers who were not in the thick of the fight. He allowed his eyes to follow her gaze-

And then he felt himself shoved roughly to the ground, hearing an arrow whiz angrily past where his heart would have been. He was confused for only an instant as to what had happened as Buffy pushed herself quickly off of him, murmuring a breathless "Are you okay?"

At his short nod she gave him a shove that was just a little too hard, snapping, "Then WATCH yourself!"

"Why should I? You seem to be doing a great job of that for me!" he snapped back, stunned when she recoiled as though slapped before hitting him hard across the face.

"You stupid idiot!" she screamed and he flinched at her uncharacteristic outburst in the middle of battle. "Do you WANT to die?"

"The truth? YES!" he roared. "You try living two hundred and fifty years and tell me you don't!" At her stunned look he lowered his voice, saying more gently, "I- I'm just SO tired, Buffy. I'm ready to go."

"Well I'm not ready to let you!" she declared, shaking with emotion he wished he could understand before she blurted unthinkingly, "And anyway, how moronic can you be? Two hundred fifty years and you don't even know it's impossible to sign away a prophesy? Damn it, Angel! I-"

She snapped her mouth shut as soon as she realized what she had said but it was already too late as he blinked at her in wonder, and her heart nearly shattered at the hope on his face. In that moment, she forgot any doubt she may have had that she was doing the right thing, knowing with total certainty that the sacrifice would be worth the gain as he sputtered-

"You mean…I don't-"

She gave him the warmest smile she could as she rolled her eyes affectionately. "They were just- well, psyching you out. In about-"

"How long have you known?" he cut her off sharply and she looked at him in confusion before understanding hit her.

"About the Shanshu- which we have, by the way, _definitely_ not discussed? 8 hours give or take-" and suddenly she frowned, meeting his eyes. "You could have told me, you know. It would have helped me to wait with some hope-"

"I didn't want you to wait at all," he said briefly, eyes bursting with emotion, and she smiled sadly, saying simply, softly,

"I was, though." She struggled for composure before looking him dead in the eye. "I know it's been hard, and I KNOW that you're tired, but you just need to work for it just a little but longer and then-" she gulped, lowering her eyes before finishing, "We can both be free."

He wanted to kiss her at that moment more than he had ever wanted anything, but seeing the action behind him he locked eyes with her instead, and at her barely perceptible nod launched her, feat first, toward the nearest demon, satisfied as he heard its neck break from the impact.

"I always did fight the best with you there," she shouted over the noise, and he retorted, more to himself than to her,

"Likewise."

--

It was a full hour and at countless casualties on both sides later before Willow and her fellow Wicca's finally succeeded, and Buffy gasped in amazement as the monsters surrounding her froze and well over a hundred slayers, Spike, and Faith came rushing toward her and Angel.

"Where's Illyria?" Angel inquired briefly and Spike looked at him regretfully before answering,

"Saw her go down about twenty minutes ago."

"What's going on, B?" Faith questioned after a brief moment of silence and Buffy looked around in confusion at the immobilized demons, the eerie calm… _Okay, I'm not dead and Angel- definitely still Vampire- so that must mean-_

"I don't know," Buffy replied uncertainly, looking around with increasing unease, then cringing as the demons suddenly sprang back to life, charging at the group with double their previous violence.

--

_Buffy_, she suddenly heard Willow's voice in her head as she warily decapitated another demon,_ they're disintegrating from the inside. If you guys can just hold on for ten more minutes it will all be over-_

"Thanks, Will," she said aloud, feeling an emotion she couldn't quite define at the news even as she stepped away from the battle, jumping on top of a dumpster that miraculously held her weight as she screamed loudly, "Everyone listen to me! They're dying and desperate! All we need to do is make it ten more minutes and it's OVER. FOREVER. I have been fighting for longer than any of you and I KNOW it's hard. But I also know that ALL of us can make it ten more minutes. Just FIGHT!"

With a nearly primal cry she launched back into the fray, unsurprised to find herself beside Spike as something occurred to her for the first time.

"Get out of here!" she cried, taking down what looked like a dwarf _funny, Giles always said they were a myth _down with one particularly vicious punch, confused by where her sudden strength was coming from as she continued, "The sun is about to come up!"

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, jaw set, as he said firmly, "I am NOT leaving you to-"

"You're not leaving me!" she exclaimed vehemently, holding a demon as Spike punched it viciously before plunging a steel sword through its heart as she threw it down. "You're HELPING me. I can't keep going if I don't think you're safe, and-"

He took out a zombie before locking eyes with her, saying softly, "I did love you, pet"

She shot him a melancholy smile. "I know you did," and her voice cracked as she continued, "I loved you too just- not like you deserve."

He shrugged. "Wasn't your fault. I spent a century looking for my equal- just luck of the draw that when I finally found her she'd already met hers." He locked eyes with her, saying slowly, "I'm not sure if this will make what you're about to do easier, but for what it's worth, I don't think you and he would have been happy together anyway, after he- changes. You and he love… ALL of each other, and a big part of him will be… gone after. Maybe- in some SICK way- this is better. Leaves the memory or some such bullocks-"

She looked at him, pain and understanding naked on her face as she whispered, "Thank you," before being sent sprawling to the ground by what looked like a human lion. "Now get out of here!" she screamed, rolling out of the way as a machete came crashing down where her skull would have been.

Spike took one last look at her before turning and running, feeling as though his unbeating heart was broken.

--

Angel could smell the sunrise coming up and for the first time doubted what Buffy had told him about how the night would end. He had seen Spike bolt nearly five minutes ago and knew it couldn't be long before his own death, one way or another… Shaking off the vague feeling of unease he couldn't quite place, he lunged for the nearest demon with a vengeance, vowing that even if he did only have a few more minutes on Earth he was going to make them count-

In the coming years Angel would replay the subsequent fifteen seconds in his mind more times than he could count and still never quite be able to remember what it was like to live them. Two demons simultaneously lunging at him, the sound of more gunfire from Xander's sector, Buffy's frantic "ANGEL! LOOK OUT!" The realization, half a second too late, that a stake had been launched at his heart from behind him, the acceptance of the fact that he was going to die- and Buffy's sharp cry of anguish as she dove between it and him at the last possible instant, his horror as he realized in some moment of bizarre, primal understanding that it had been embedded into her internal organs- that she was going to die- at the same second that demons began exploding all around him into beautiful balls of sparkling fire, looking surreal, and he suddenly felt like he was on fire too, collapsing to his knees in agony as the demon was ripped from him and, for the first time in two hundred and twenty two years (not counting an exquisite day that never occurred) he felt his heart beating.

--

Buffy felt blinding pain and then- nothing, just a surreal and unexpected calm, and in that moment she knew, absolutely, that she was dying. From somewhere to her left she heard Angel cry out in what sounded like pain and she wondered blearily if he was dying too, after all this, prayed that if he was she would never have to know as the sky lit up around her, half from the early morning sun and half from the sparkling fire the demons were still giving off- and then, suddenly, arms she would have needed to be dead not to recognize were around her and they were… warm-

"Angel," she whispered weakly, forcing her eyes open and seeing his concerned face, the hundreds of conflicting emotions playing across it, only half of which she had ever seen there before and even fewer of which she was sure she understood- "Are you- oh god, is it over? Is everyone okay?"

He nodded tightly and to her horror she realized he was blinking back tears and reached a hand upward to caress his face, stunned when she was too weak to do so, gasping at the sudden jolt of pain as he pulled her gracelessly closer. "Oh god," she murmured, closing her eyes again just to feel the sensation more strongly, "Oh god, I can feel your heartbeat."

"Buffy," he managed brokenly and she forced her eyes open again, trying to smile, but instead, wholly against her will, let out something halfway between a sob and a moan, gasping,

"I don't want to go- I wanted to go for so long, but now- it's not fair, it's just not enough time- why could we never have enough time?"

"You're not leaving me," he choked out and to her horror she felt his tears landing on her face _or are they mine_, wished she could think of something unselfish to do, unselfish to say-

"Please don't," she whispered. "It was worth it. All of it-" the world blurred around her for a second and she asked a higher power she had never fully believed in for just a few moments more, the chance to say- "Did I tell you I love you earlier?"

He shook his head in the negative as his whole body trembled and she managed a weak smile. "I do." Her smile was replaced by a look of wonder, however, as the early morning sunlight streaked across his face, making his eyes look lighter, his face look, if it were possible, even more perfect- "Oh _god_," she moaned. "You look- so-" before her eyes fluttered shut, a small, content smile the last expression to cross her face.

--

The End…

_Feedback/comments continue to be treasured beyond belief. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thanks for reading :P_


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